Your mouth is God's brothel.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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