i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
