You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I look better un-naked...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
