The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
