id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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