You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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