is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just forgot I was standing up.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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