how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
