She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
