just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
