My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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