I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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