I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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