That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
