I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
