i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
