All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
