yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
