I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
