WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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