I think i peed on brittanys purse
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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