Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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