im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
