Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As shirtless as possible
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
