What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
