im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
