how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
