your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
