I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
