I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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