three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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