Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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