Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
