i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
