why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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