I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
