If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
