I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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