When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
