I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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