I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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