you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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