bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
