okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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