Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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