Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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