Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
