Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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