i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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