did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
