if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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