Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
