I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
