You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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