How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
